Not unlike anyone else in the world, my husband and I have had some health issues this year. I write this blog asking this question. How do you feel about swinging with people after they’ve had surgery? I have alot of dear friends who are anxious for us to be up and running again, so to speak. I’m also anxious as we’ve been out of the game for a while. Here’s my issue. I underwent a hysterectomy, and much to my chagrin, it seems alot of men go, oh my, you have no uterus, I can’t sleep with you anymore. Apalling as it is, it’s true. So, I figure these are not the people I want to be with anyway. There are lots of people i haven’t told, but the minute Im naked, they’re gonna ask what that hideous scar is!
So I guess I’m just not sure where to start. I still have a few weeks until I’m cleared for take off, but I’m honestly dreading it. Our first club outing is going to be hard for me, my club clothes really don’t leave much up for guessing. I’d like to think most people won’t say anything, but I have other scars, and have been left laying in bed alone because of them. Mind you, they’re not horrific giant scars. They’re relatively small and you can’t see them until I’m undressed. Anyway you get the gist. People are mean wah wah wah. I just don’t see why they have to be.
So the next time you meet someone, and they have a scar, or dental issues, or a lazy eye….Don’t dismiss them. Even imperfect people are interesting and sexy. Everyone has a story to tell, and if we don’t listen, what part of life have we missed out on?
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I realized today, while flipping through one of my social networking sites, that I still hold a *great*
resentment towards the woman that broke my husbands heart. Yes, he fell in love with her and was yet still in love with me. At the time, I tried to believe I had no issues with this. I want to be the person who isn’t possessive and angry, jealous and hatefull. It’s a big task! I dealt OK with this affair for a little while, but the moment I was cut out of it, I had big issues. It’s something I have to work on. Our marriage isn’t based on who possesses who, or who does what, but a mutual understand and trust. This makes sense in our world. It’s logical. My brain knows it to be true. My heart, is a different subject all together. I want nothing more than to be the center of his world occasionally.Not all the time, that would really get annoying. But just, sometimes. I want him to understand me and know why I say and do the things I do. That’s alot to hope for, huh.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I thought that I had let the anger go, and that she had moved on her way to a better life for her. Unfortunately, every time I see her name, I feel so angry. And it’s not because she took over my husbands life for a few months, not because he cared so deeply for her. It’s because she broke his heart into a million pieces. Because she chewed him up and spit him out in the garbage. Because he wasn’t worth enough to her to even speak to again. How could she? He’s an amazing man, and I don’t know why any woman on this earth would not want to know him, love him, be with him. I always feel lucky that he picked me to be with. I’m just not sure she wasn’t doing for “what’s in it for me” purposes. I hate to sound vindictive, but I always feel like she was trying to get something. Steal him? No not at all. He’d drive her crazy after a short while. I think she wanted to see just how much they could get away with. I think she didn’t even know what she was doing. We call it “shopping”. Unconciously, or so I hope, she was miserable in her marriage and was looking for a way out. I think that my husband was the first step to her realizing that.
So, looking at it from that perspective, I suppose he helped her. Alot. Does that make me less angry?
NO. I still don’t want to hear her name, or see her face. I don’t want to talk about her, or the things we did
together. I don’t want her to call or text me. I just want it to disappear. Now here’s the real kicker.
They did this. They fell in love with eachother, with no threat to the other’s spouses. Great right? In a perfect
world that would be the way things worked. What happened between them, made me pull away from the best friend I’ve ever had. A man I’ve known for years and care deeply for. I can’t care about him the way I used to. Not after how she treated my husband. I’ve given up a friendship that was around before my husband, a relationship that meant very much to me for a very long time, a man I know inside and out. Because she broke my husbands heart.
Isn’t it funny how life happens? I suppose when you live the lifestyle we do, you run this risk everytime you
meet someone. Be carefull who you open your heart to. Even married people can be heartbreakers.
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